Winners Bitch Seeks
Best of Opposite Sex

Anonymous

You know you've waited too long to find a mate when.....

you think stripping is something you do to a terrier
you meet a guy named Bob and instantly visualize purple and gold rosettes
when you talk with your friends about sex, you're discussing progesterone testing, vaginal cytology, and artificial insemination
you think nothing about loudly discussing studs and bitches in a fancy restaurant
the first thing you notice about a guy is what breed of dog he has
your biggest turn-off is a guy with an obnoxious, untrained dog
you have ever ruled out a guy as a prospective date based on the breed of dog he owns
you dismiss all the guys your mother introduces you to as "not breeding quality"
you never could stick to a diet to impress a guy, but you can do it to cut 2 seconds from your time on the agility course
your only nice jewelry features either dogs, dumbbells, or rosettes
you think it really would be easier if you just had yourself spayed
when you talk about "scoring" you mean how you did at last weekend's obedience trial
you wonder if you did find a guy, if he would mind sleeping in the expensive dog bed that your dog has never used because he prefers to sleep with you
your dog has more letters after his name than the last ten guys you've dated, and actually completed obedience school
you start using operant conditioning techniques to get what you want from your boyfriend, and you won't let him read your copy of "Don't Shoot The Dog"
you think that maybe your current guy has potential if you use the proper combination of positive reinforcement and the occasional well-timed ear pinch
you "people watch" at the mall by making mental lists of the conformational faults each bypasser has to contribute to the gene pool
you think if you ever did marry and have children that you wouldn't have to buy a playpen because you already have an extra x pen
you give all of your married friends child-rearing advice based on your extensive background in dog training
your mother's worst fear is that you'll have a child and make it wear a pinch collar
your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party
you actually have friends whose dogs HAVE been part of the wedding party
when your cousin tells you how much her wedding costs you think how many show-quality puppies that could buy you
you can imagine using a shock collar on your best friend's children, but would never dream of putting one on your dog
all of your friends always include your dog in any invitation they issue to you. Of course, you reciprocate because you only have doggy friends left....the others have stopped inviting you places because you insist on bringing the dog!
Guests on Jerry Springer make you think about starting a campaign for "early childhood spay/neuter"
when you read the personal ads you skip past the vital statistics and rule out any that don't say "animal lover"
your dog has a gold crown on his fractured tooth (you were afraid if you had it pulled he'd have a sloppy dumbbell pickup) but you haven't been to the dentist in three years
you know your dog's cholesterol but not your own
your idea of a great practical joke is seeing if anyone notices if you feed Charlie Bears in the bag of oyster crackers
when you lament to your friends about chronic yeast infections, they don't know you're talking about your dog's ears
you haven't had an HIV test but you regularly brucella test your dog before each breeding
you spent seven years to get your DVM and charge $40 for a semen collection and evaluation, only to discover a legal hooker in Las Vegas with no formal schooling gets $100 and only does the first part
your blind date last night had more offspring by more different bitches than the top sire in your breed last year.
you worry you'll embarrass yourself in public by "flagging" when you see a cute guy
you last had a professional portrait done for your high school graduation, but you just spent 50% of your dog's purchase price having his done by the best canine photographer in the country
you don't have any hair spray and have to use Crown Royal Bodifier from your grooming bag
you and your dog use the same kind of hairbrush, and you never can keep straight whose is whose
you spend 8 hours grooming your dog for a show the day before, and 1.25 minutes ponytailing your hair the morning of.
you think that people with bad bites shouldn't be allowed to breed
when someone mentions single bars, you wonder if they are talking about utility or agility jumps
when you go "clubbing", you have your choice of the all-breed club, the specialty club, the training club, or the parent club
you once made earrings out of old rabies tags, and all your friends wanted a pair
your non-doggy friends can't understand why you're so excited about your new CD.
the only other group of people who have as much familiarity with DNA testing as your doggy friends is the OJ jury

Winners Bitch Seeks Best of Opposite Sex

Winners Bitch Seeks
Best of Opposite Sex