by Joseph Greenleaf
I sadly report that Murphy, he of the $285 trim, has changed his pricey fur coat for jailhouse stripes.
Molly, the sultry tempress of a Labrador retriever, of whom he is smiten, enticed him out of the yard through an open gate. She pranced home without having retrieved young Mr. Murphy (he of the recent 2nd birthday, and obviously feeling like he could go for a stroll without the Parent Figure).
I wandered the neighbourhood asking strangers if they've seen a curly, black/silver/blue... Nada.
I returned to a phone message from the Big House: it was the Warden to advise that Murphy had been busted by the Dog Catcher for Highway Mopery (2 counts) and Attempt to Gawk; could I collect him from stir?
Unable to get the Legal Aid lawyers mobilised, I went myself.
Sure enough, they had him. Yes, he was inciting to riot, adding another count of Being Silly in a Public Place to his rap sheet, and would I like to bail him out?
By the time I was done, I had joined the Animal Shelter (hoping for leniency), bought yet another chip (as his was Irish and they couldn't read it with one of the two readers, and the one that could read it couldn't figure it out), had him get yet another rabies jab (he's thinking of selling his blood) and generally making my credit card transparent. The numbers are no longer raised.
The other dogs were making fun of his accent, so he had to yell at them, the cats thought he was cute (which he did not want to be) and the screws had him down as a Schnauzer. Must be the hair-do.
He wanted to stay and continue his game of poker, get a jailhouse tattoo of a sailing ship to be like the Lady Wrestlers, and learn how to dumpster-dive, but I hauled him out.
He told the other cons that he was in for catricide, which isn't true, as he loves cats far more than they love him, but it made him sound tough. He wants to be known as Killer.
Killer told me he was innocent, and wanted to take it to a higher court. I told him I didn't think that was possible. He said it is *always* possible--Kerries always have appeal.
jgreenleaf @ o2.ie
Joseph Greenleaf is an Irish author and publisher. His books can be purchased